Food waste is a big problem in the world. On an industrial scale it means harvests that don’t get sold for a good enough price, cargoes of vegetables not unloaded fast enough, all sorts of supply-chain issues from field to table.
On a personal level, food waste is having to pour out the last pint of a gallon of milk because it’s spoiled. That’s nowhere near as bad, of course, not like a trailer full of rotten tomatoes.
When you become a father, a certain no-food-waste gene starts to activate. Are there four French fries left on a plate about to be cleared? I will eat them. Doesn’t matter if I’m hungry, or in fact stuffed, and the last thing I want to do is eat more salty empty bites.
And however much ketchup is left on the plate will be what I accompany the four fries with. If it’s a little, I’m having a little ketchup. If the plate is swimming in ketchup, I’m shoving ketchup with a side of fries into my mouth.
#nocalorieleftbehind
For years I would order a bowl of soup or a side salad at a restaurant, not because I was watching my figure but because…I knew. I knew my “meal” would be not just my on-a-diet food in front of me, but also everything that everyone else didn’t eat. And that food would be grabbed in the last 30 seconds of being at the table, like a drunken blackjack player trying to steal a chip while the dealer isn’t looking.
My home life version of this involves eating lots of leftovers no one else wants, putting together bits and bobs that in no way count as proper side-by-side plate companions. So long as it empties the fridge, and we use up all the food we’ve prepared, that’s good enough for me.
The post-party food has been going quicker than I thought. This is good and bad for me, and my #nocalorieleftbehind mindset. If other people are eating leftover slices of pizza, great! I’ll focus on whatever they’re not eating, since that may stand a chance of eventually going bad.
And that, oddly, is soda.
It’s been a long time since I’ve had a Pepsi. I love the cobalt blue of the can, the heft of it, the take-that-Coke hegemony as I back the little guy. (Coke’s market cap: $305 billion. Pepsi’s: a mere $180 billion! It’s practically a three-person startup in a garage!)
A Malcolm Galdwell piece mentions that Pepsi routinely did better in taste tests than Coke because it was sweeter. On the first sip, Pepsi was more flavorful than Coke. But over an entire can’s worth, that sweetness turned cloying and thick and viscous. People preferred a sip of Pepsi, but they preferred a can of Coke.
And every can of Pepsi I’ve drunk has hit me like I swallowed two pounds of raw honey laced with No-Doz pills. It makes me feel uncomfortably stuffed, and jittery. And then for two hours after that I feel like death. Sluggish and lethargic: lifting my head is a lot of work. This is not how I ever feel. But now I can create it at will: just drink 12 ounces of sugar water. And I’m doing it every single day.
There’s a simple solution to this; don’t drink the sugar water. Just don’t. I don’t like it that much and it’s making me feel like a pile of puke. I can handle some daily caffeine, and some Coke Zero, but apparently not both at the same time.
That’s on the one hand.
On the other hand, #nocalorieleftbehind. Someone’s gotta ingest all these cans of Pepsi. No one else in the house likes it. So it’s gotta be me!
There are plenty of solutions to this. Food banks are probably tired of bags of rice and pasta, and might welcome the Taste of a New Generation. Then again, the point of food banks isn’t just free food but nutritional food, and cans of cola may as well just be cavity decals you iron onto your kids’ teeth. Food banks, it turns out, don’t usually accept soda. Something about it not being quote-food-unquote.
Cindy’s in a theater group, and that group has a proper stage, and that stage has a break room with a fridge. So the Pepsis are now there, quenching the thirst of actors about to go up on stage. Giving them a boost of energy in addition to the thrill of live performance.
This is fine by me. I don’t need to drink it: I just need to know it’s all going to be consumed.
Just so long as no calorie is left behind.
PRINCESS LEIA OF THE WEEK
Tiki cup week! I didn’t know these were a thing.
SPIDER-MAN OF THE WEEK
SUPER MARIO OF THE WEEK
Mario has a villain named Tiki Tong so let’s go with that for him.
MICKEY MOUSE OF THE WEEK
ME OF THE WEEK
I did a very fun interview with Adam of the Comics Shenanigans podcast. We talked about both the Spider-Man book and the Mickey Mouse book! https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-8jbcv-18a53dc
UPCOMING APPEARANCES
JULY 3-6: FAN EXPO DENVER — Denver, CO
AUGUST 8-10: FAN EXPO BOSTON — Boston, MA
OCTOBER 17-19: BALTIMORE COMIC-CON — Baltimore, MD