Yesterday my brothers and I saw The Odyssey in IMAX. The movie was amazing, everyone should see it. Everything everyone else is saying about the majesty and power of the movie is true.
That’s not what I want to talk about, though.
We had lunch in a chain Mexican place beforehand: they’re walking distance from each other. Lunch was great, service was great, and when the waitress gave us the check, it had a QD code on it. She said we could pay that way.
I’d never done this before, but pulled out my phone and lined up the QR code. Nothing happened for two solid minutes, until finally the code was recognized. Another two minutes passed of my browser trying very mightily to download a web page.
The restaurant had a metal roof, and was a Wi-Fi dead zone. This maybe should have been a consideration. I paid my credit card from a device the waitress had. Could have been worse; my brother Brendan, who lives in New York City, frequently an Alamo Drafthouse two stories belowground. They’ve gone to digital ordering and digital payment, all by phone and Wi-Fi, in a place with no service.
(woops, wrong Odyssey picture)
We cross the street to the movie theater. Remember that breadcrumb I said about metal roof and no service? In a movie theater bad reception’s often a plus: I don’t want my neighbor checking messages or yapping away.
But not when all the devices the movie theater needs run on Wi-Fi.
Wi-Fi being down explains all the chaos that was within. There were two kiosk to buy and print tickets; both clickwheeled into uselessness. The ticket line was slow: bad Wi-Fi connection. A kids movie conked out mid-showing: the ticket taker was doing his best to deal with a line of angry parents either wanting their money back or for the movie to be restarted. The concession line was the longest I’ve ever seen it: maybe the cash registers were slowed down as well.
It had been going on for a few hours, long enough to delay the previous showing of the Odyssey. We arrived at 1:59 for a 2 pm show, and saw lots of people milling around outside the theater doors but none going in. We walked in, and not a single person was sitting down. Did we get the time wrong.
Two employees were sweeping up popcorn from the aisles. They said the theater was closed until they were done cleaning it. We left, I gave myself the duty of bouncer, telling everyone else trying to get in that the theater was still being cleaned.
After ten minutes of bouncing, the first cleaner exited, saying the theater wasn’t ready to be occupied yet. Then the second man left, and with a shrug said we could go in if we wanted. We all started to file in and take our seats.
Back in the day, there weren’t trainers, or advertisements, or music before shows; it was just a dark empty theater, and the first thing you’d see on the screen would be your movie. Due to behind the scene ball-dropping, none of that played. No one was told when or if the movie would begin. We all simply sat quietly and patiently in the darkened theater assuming at some point we’d watch The Odyssey.
What are the odds this was some conceptual art piece? To see how long people would sit with no guidance or instructions about what was supposed to happen next?
On the other hand, perhaps the theater manager held back the movie on purpose. Every 30 second another person with a tub of popcorn, a drink, and candy came in to get their seat. Maybe they were just waiting until the concession line was down.
I joked about how a movie about it taking 10 years to get home might actually take 10 years to watch at this rate.
The movie started a half-hour late. I tried to text my daughter about it – she’d worked in this place and did not have fond memories—but the text didn’t go through.
The theme of The Odyssey – I shouldn’t have been surprised it had one – was about the price you pay for breaking cultural norms and traditions. That Trojan horse thing was real clever, right? It’s the same in kind to agreeing to a peaceful parlez and then killing the negotiators, or waving a white flag and luring the other side into a trap.
This is Nolan’s take. Homer’s Odyssey said that Odysseus’s attack on the Cyclops was what made Zeus displeased with him. The movie includes that scene but says it’s really the Trojan-horse attack. Which stands in for the awful things we do in order to get what we want, so we can go home.
Bad Wi-Fi, of course, isn’t really the same thing as a Trojan horse. But the push to have the whole world automated through Wi-Fi has its roots in belt-tightening, a desire to pay fewer people for the same tasks. There was no host or hostess at the Mexican restaurant, for instance. Only one person selling tickets, no one to fix the kiosks, no one to talk to the families with a dead theater, no extra pair of hands to man a concession register. Like Odysseus’s men after months at sea, the theater was on very meager rations.
And making loads of money. Brendan noticed he was charged a $10 “convenience fee” for buying his tickets online in advance. That was about how much I tipped our waitress for 45 minutes of friendly service, taking our order, free chips and dip, drinks and refills, and clearing the table afterwards, all promptly. She earned that.
The app did nothing to earn its $10.
The patrons in line for a half-hour to buy popcorn could have gotten a half-hour of their life back if there was an extra employee to ring them up.
We all donated a half-hour of our time to sit in darkness because the theater couldn’t get its act together. It didn’t even fulfill its deal with advertisers to show us ads: for that I’m grateful.
Christopher Nolan films stay with you. Like all good storytellers, when he tells a story about the past it’s really about the present. And the story he’s telling is about how society falls apart when people (and companies) start crossing ethical lines.
SUPER MARIO OF THE WEEK
take a wild guess for the theme
MICKEY MOUSE OF THE WEEK
A Mickey-ized mod of Super Mario Odyssey.
PRINCESS LEIA OF THE WEEK
Artist Travis Durden puts Star Wars heads on classical Greek statues. Somehow he hasn’t done Leia: c’mon, you did General Grievous but not Leia?
SPIDER-MAN OF THE WEEK
This one was a gimme.
UPCOMING APPEARANCES
PUNK RUNK FLEA MARKET: EDISON, NJ — July 25
ANIME NYC: NEW YORK, NY— August 27-30